what do you do when the loneliness is driving you so crazy it hurts? when you can't breathe for the aching in your chest? when you can't think of the words to say, or the pleas to make?you're so desperately lonely you can't think of a single thing....... except this damn journal.

searching for love in all the wrong places,
wandering the streets of your mind.
she can't help but reach for you,
the loneliness is killing her from the inside.
she pretends she never cared,
pretends she never lied.
pretends you never were the one.

searching for love in all the wrong places,
wandering the streets of your mind.
she camps for the night beneath your covers,
hiding her face from view.
she's gone before you wake,
nothing but a dream you never knew.

searching for love in all the wrong places,
wandering the streets of your mind.
she ends up all alone,
just as she began.
doing things never to be spoken of,
just for the sake of your touch.
the loneliness is eating away at her heart,
the aching is too much to bear.

searching for love in all the wrong places,
wandering the streets of your mind.
she can't help but need you,
can't help but cry.
she's found no answers,
won no prize.

and still, she's searching for love in all the wrong places,
wandering the streets of your mind.
she's left with the marks as proof,
the 18 years of responsibility.
now she has someone to love,
someone to need.

because she was searching for love in all the wrong places,
wandering the streets of your mind.

since when did DA go all mushy and valentine's? yuck.
i was ok earlier. but tomorrow's valentine's day. how overrated. all i have to say is........well. nothing. i dunno. i can't make up my mind about how i feel about v-day. it's sweet for all the couples out there. but it kinda sucks for me. i probably could've been in a relationship. but i didn't want that relationship. him and i weren't working. and maybe i'm more lonely because my best friend isn't speaking to me. and it's going to be my first year without my rose and teddy bear my mom used to always get me. i don't know. all i know is that i'm super lonely this year. ohwell. it's kool to watch the kids enjoy it. i got each of them a little something. i like doing things for the people around me. them and my sisters and .... i dunno. it's nice. anyway. this is so fucking pointless it's ridiculous.

i was staring at my ceiling last night.
staring because i couldn't sleep.
the rain poured down,
my heart began to pound.
i still couldn't sleep.
too many things ran through my mind.
how pitiful i've become.
reduced to midnight wonderings.
how long had it been since i'd felt that way about someone?
how long had it been since i'd smiled like that at him?
how long had it been since we stood beneath that moon?
how long had it been since some one made me blush?
too long.
that's how long.
a year,
or two.
or three.
what has become of me?
i don't have fun anymore.
i don't look at things the way i would.
what has become of me?
you know, i was staring at my ceiling last night.
staring because i couldn't sleep.
the rain poured down,
my heart began to pound.
as i stared at my ceiling last night...
i realized...
i'm not the girl i used to be.

Neverending Addiction
This is my neverending addiction
my hands inside of yours.
"This is how it's always going to be.
Us, together, like this."
The moon shines down,
hiding nothing from your eyes.
We're so wrapped up in the romance that used to be,
we can't see the changes we've made.
Nothing's changed in so many months...
Everything's cahnged in so many months.
we're too damn blind,
to know the difference.
too damn tired to care.
so i let myself have this one last thing...
my neverending addiction.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Her auburn hair all around her face,
He sees her in a different light.
the sun shined so long ago...
He remembers it all,
Every moment,
every thought,
every kiss.
She smiles at him, behind silent eyes.
She sees it in his eyes,
it's written all over his face.
His memeories,
his thoughts,
his wishes.
Nothing's changed.
He follows her to his doom,
She ruins it all,
Changes who he is.
Takes away the last bit of his innocence.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The sun shone down on a beautiful day.
Two kids skipping out on class,
living life.
A passion hidden in their eyes drove them to this point,
Hiding beneath the trees,
Romance all around.
So enthralled in what might be.
Making promises beyond compare.
Caught in a moment.
Trusting deceitful desires.
Until a friendship is ruined,
a future is shattered,
and she cries herself to sleep.